So, any of you who know me are probably aware of my occasional love of excess. Whole packs of cookies tremble before me, entire TV series absorbed in mere days, entire bodies of works by a particular author read in weeks (chronologically). Some good things I just can't get enough of. With that spirit in mind I'd like to give you the Top 5 Sounds That Can Never Be Loud Enough! In my life, so far, I've never heard any of the following things at a volume that truly satisfies me. Hopefully, someday I'll be able to fill a canyon with speakers, crank them up, and crack the Earth's crust.
#5.) Swordfights.
There's just something awesome about the clashing of two swords. Razor sharp steel, swinging at full speed, hammering into another equally deadly instrument of dismemberment is, arguably, the most magnificent sound of collision matter can make. Hammer to wall, head-on auto collisions, meteors crashing into planets, all pale in comparison to the metallic song two swords can produce. But they could always hit harder, ring louder! Although, they do a pretty good job in this clip. Please note: these are not typical wussy katana swords. These are some beef-tastic, smasherific, awesome swords.
#4.) Fireworks
I've been to a lot of fireworks shows. I've also done a fair amount of cutting up fireworks, pouring the powder out, mixing it into one giant firework, sticking a wick in it, and seeing what happens. But of all the things to like about fireworks (the colors, the patterns, that gunpowder smell), there's nothing I like more than the sound. My favorite are those tiny white ones that are so loud you feel them in your chest. Someday, when I'm rich and famous, I'll pay someone to do a fireworks show with ONLY those, all around me, in 360, until I turn into pudding. Delicious pudding.
#3) Thunder
When I was in Jr High and High School I lived on the first floor while my parents and the rest of my family all lived upstairs. As a result, I could sneak out of my bedroom window without much trouble at all. Whenever there was one of those great middle-of-the-night-thunderstorms I'd sneak out, meet up with my friend Gary, and we'd high-tail it off to the forest preserve. There was a group of trees we called Five Pines. We'd each pick a tree and climb as high as we could. Yes, in the pouring rain, thunder, and lightening. There were times when the trees had an 8-10 foot sway and the thunder sounded like we were right inside it. Still, I don't think it was loud enough. I'm going to need a bigger tree or a bigger storm.
#2) Can't Stop by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
There are a lot of songs that I like to listen to loud. Some songs, in my mind, only work when they're knocking on your rib cage, trying to push the very soul out of your meat. It's a long list. Can't Stop by the Chili Peppers is on the top of the list simply because EVERY time I hear it I want it louder. Cranking up the headphones helps, but I don't get that "full body vibration" feeling that I'm looking for. I want to be rattled. Here's the video. Crank it.
#1) Godzilla's Roar
There is nothing like Godzilla's roar and I can only dream what it would sound like actually emerging from the lungs of the forty story radioactive beast himself. Puny movie theater and television speakers don't do it justice. How could they? Godzilla's roar, that semi-metallic squeal combined with a deep organic rumble, is a sound meant to terrify monsters that gobble up cities. It's a cry that, most often, is followed by a face melting blast of atomic energy. It pours out past teeth twice the height of a man with the force of a hurricane. I sure hope some crazy Godzilla fan with a genetic engineering degree is working hard in some basement in Tokyo right now or else I'll never get to hear the big guy live!
