2012 Zombie Run! Braaaaaains!

So this weekend was the Run For Your Lives 5k zombie run.  What's a zombie run you ask?  Well, it's a 5k run in the woods, through streams and mud, with about a dozen obstacles thrown in and, you guessed it, zombies chasing you!  Lots and lots of them.

I went with my friend, Eric Cherry, for a much needed weekend away from work.  Of course, I choose to relax on the first vacation I've had since my honeymoon by being hunted down by zombies.  The event was on Saturday and they didn't have any camping available for the night before so Eric and I rented a tiny cabin in a campground nearby.  We did the whole campfire cookout thing (a relative first for Eric) and I actually saw tons of stars for, what I realized, was the first time in ages.  You forget how you can actually see the Milky Way living in a place with so much light interference.  We also valiantly fended off some greedy racoons who thought they could climb up on our picnic table with us.  A few well placed rocks convinced them their plan was folly.  Those are our cheddar brats, thieving bastards!  I finished off the evening by making s'mores with dark chocolate and coconut flavored marshmallows.  It was like a tropical s'more and went perfectly with my sangria!  I am a culinary genius.

After the soapiest tasting biscuits and gravy ever (yes, soapy, not a typo) we headed to the event.  Hundreds of people there, races happening in waves, tons of people covered in mud and fake blood.  We weren't scheduled to run until 2 so we setup our tent, milled around, and ran into my friend Megan and a couple of her friends.  While chit-chatting, we looked up and saw... this...

Yes, it's what you think it it.  A freaking circle around the sun rainbow!  Clearly a sign of the apocalypse.  So, the whole event stops and everyone is looking up at the sun, freaking out, and then... It turned into a DOUBLE CIRCLE AROUND THE SUN RAINBOW!!!*  The second ring was too far out to photograph without a landscape camera, but it was there.  Absolutely amazing.  It lasted a bit more than 10 minutes.  I'm pretty sure I got super powers and will begin to mutate any time now.

So, Eric and I line up to start.  We've got three flags on our belt.  The goal is to keep them.  Three lines; Appetizer, Entree, and Dessert.  We decided we were Entrees.  We run through a fog machine tunnel and we're off!  First thing; thigh deep water and sand.  Then zombies.  Then more zombies, and more, and more.  It was here, about a quarter mile in, that we realized that none of our training (practicing running at a normal speed) was worth much of anything.

This isn't a race.

It's a series of dodging sprints.  Over, and over, and over.  The zombies only chase you so far, so the thing is, dodge and run past to a safer area, then walk and recuperate, rinse, repeat.  Some of the zombies only reach or lunge and go after you for a half dozen steps or so.  Some of the bastards will run full speed and chase you.  Far.  Like, hundreds of feet.  Possibly to the next (well rested) zombie who will do the same thing.  Basically, you never know which ones are which, so at any point you're running like a madman into, ahem... more zombies.  Absolutely nuts.  Survival is significantly luck based.  If you're lucky enough to go when a group goes, and they don't spot/chase you as often as normal, you might survive.  We were hearing numbers like 1 in 8 and 1 in 10 were making it with a flag left over.  Thinking back, we passed/dodged at least 250 zombies.

None of the obstacles presented me with much of a challenge.  Turns out, even in my old age I'm pretty damn spry.  I can still hurdle barricades, flip over rope walls, and crawl at full speed without difficulty.  Even running the distance wasn't a biggie.  Keeping your flag safe when you've got to run through 12 zombies and they see you're the only one with a flag; that's difficult.  I pulled it off a bunch of times, outrunning guys half my age on several occasions.  At one point a half dozen were after me, as I was running and spinning at top speed I rebounded off of a tree, fell on my back, did a backwards somersault, got up, and kept running/twisting until I was clear.  They didn't get my flag.  Some lady who saw it said that they were an inch from grabbing my flag for 30 straight seconds but it was just barely out of reach.  Eric saw me fall and thought "Ahh well, they got him." and isn't quite sure how I somehow appeared 100 feet away with my flag intact.  I blame the double circle around the sun rainbow for kicking in some serious dodge superpowers.

In any case, they did eventually get all three of my flags.  There was only one group of zombies after the bunch that got my final flag, so I made it about 95% of the way.  Eric did pretty damn good as well.  He lost his first two flags in the first mile, but somehow managed to keep the final one up until about 75% of the way through.  Also, Eric screams like a girl when Zombies chase him.  I'm not kidding.  He squeals and runs in a really embarrassing manner.  I mean, half the participants were women and they weren't screaming like Eric.  But, he did make it pretty far so maybe there's something in his technique.

The last obstacle was a really long monkey bars over a pool of fake blood.  I cheated and instead of going arm over arm, I climbed up and crawled across.  Final time was 1 hour, 18 minutes.  When I was finished they gave me this medal!

There's a whole bunch of pictures of the event on the Run For Your Lives Facebook page, HERE


The rest of the night was lounging in lawn chairs listening to the bands they had on stage.  Most were meh, one was really good.  Pretty chill nice way to end the day.

So what did I learn?  Practice more sprinting.  Work in groups.  Wear knee-pads.  That I can make Eric pet a goat.

I'm absolutely going next year.  Who's with me?


*Note:  Internet etiquette states that full caps are allowed in the event of awesome things like double around the sun rainbows.